Wishing to change a habit? One way to aid in your work is to assess your skill set and make the plan specific and effective by matching gross and subtle skills to the experience. In other words, to be successful , be fair.
Let's imagine your goal is wellness. Since that is a big umbrella, lets first narrow it down to one thing. Let's pick feeling at ease. First picture this goal so it can be recognized. What does that look like for you? What does that feel like? What is the body like when at ease? What is the breath like? What is the quality of the mind like? Try practicing this daily for two months to start. Write down your observations. The degree to which awareness is raised here is the degree to which the following technique will be effective.
Now it is time to size up the toolbox available and prepare for daily practice. What works for you? List all the ways you intentionally apply self-care and circle the most reliable and healthy habits that both match your highest values and that lead to a sense of well-being and ease. Now rate your skills into two categories: gross and subtle. Generally speaking that which requires gross motor movement is a like a hammer and thus, a gross level skill. Examples are: walking away, stretching, cleaning, and keeping up with a toddler. Those that require a settled mind are subtle like a tiny screwdriver. Examples of subtle self-care can be: reading, being still/quiet and reflecting non-judgmentally on one's experience. And there is a bunch in between. For now, just start with the obvious, until you build confidence and find support to refine your methods.
Evaluate your habits when the goal is not present. With the example of ease as a goal, pay attention to how you experience the world when not at ease. Make a list of the patterns of thoughts, speech and action that get in the way of being at ease. Rate this list according to range of difficulty assigning a number between 1-10 (10 being most difficult). Now plan to apply subtle skills to the range of 1-5 and gross level skills to the range of 5-10. Post your list on a wall, share it with a loved one, or do that which can help sustain commitment such as giving yourself a token reward at the end of the day. Practice every day.
Please remember, this life experience is a work in progress and progress is not always linear. Changing habits can be challenging, rather than feel discouraged, seek support and celebrate your efforts. Illicit the help of others. At a school I work at, we call this category "seeking wise people". This is what a larger well-trained meditation community does for me. It helps me stay on track in honest and loving ways.
I dedicate this post to that community, Mindfulness Meditation Centers, and share the definition of mindfulness that was offered from a recent teaching: "There is what is happening and there is your relationship to what is happening". So with that, I conclude with a wish that you are healthy, happy, peaceful and at ease with all your relationships!